I want a girl to love me like MOM

There is no love like a mother’s love. I have confidence in that we are all conversant with this one. But on a first thought, you would think your mother is the most irritating woman you will ever meet.

I remember someone telling me that if you think hard enough and be ‘optimistic’ enough, if at all that’s the right word for it,  you will notice that the woman you end up marrying will somewhat be comparable in personality to your mother. I didn’t take this seriously.

“You’ve to be kidding me,” I thought. At 18 I was thinking of how fast I could get liberated off my mother, and yet someone was trying to get this crazy impression that I might be stuck with someone who behaves exactly like my mother for the rest of my life?

“God forbid” I was confident I wouldn’t be taking my words back any time soon.

It’s surprising how much very much can change in so little time. Now here I am, humbled like a dog in front of his master. As I say “I want a girl to love me like my mother”

And don’t get me wrong, am not crazy, neither did I lack something to write about,  nor did at gun point my mum force me to write and post this article. May be I should post a disclaimer it’s out of free will and self-meditation that am posting this post …bla bla bla ….

Come to think of it, every family minded guy has his “wife material” qualities. Now, if u take these qualities and match them against those of your mum most of them will match.

Let me try and be a psychic... you want a woman who can cook, after all ‘the way to man’s heart is through his stomach’, your mom will probably tell you.  You want her to understand you no matter what, she is supposed to defend you even when she knows you are on the wrong. Be worried for you even when you not worried for yourself. Forgive you even when you are more than sure yourself that you don’t deserve to be forgiven. She should treat you like a baby. She should do your dirty laundry, no problem. Be there when you are from work to welcome you. Make you bed…. Am starting to sound like am a baby and am describing my own mother, and those are just but the basic staff.

If we fight hard enough past our manly foolish ego, we will agree that our mums are the picture-perfect examples of how our wives ought to be. If you asked a philosopher as to why this is,  most will be heard to go down the road of “we all grow up having our mothers close to us and we have them do the most basic things in life for us, we grow up with them as a perfect example of how women should be….”

When talking about this issue a lot can be brought up for discussion. Some will agree with me; some won’t see the point. We live a liberal world, but am telling you unless your mum is the kind of bad mums we see in NIGERIAN MOVIES if she doesn’t like a girl, it means they aren’t compatible and you have yourself a problem. But as I said I stand corrected.

Ghetto Love

 

            Av always been honest in saying I have never if truth be told been sure when I met my first love or if I have met her or if I have when I did. What I have learned in my not many years of living is that. Love is not constantly what you think it to be. It’s very easy to confuse love, infatuation, obsession, passion and lust. By hook or by crook if not fully they show in all most similar ways. But am not here as a love critic. Am here to create a perception or an idea of what love is supposed to be. So for moment based on my heading I would like to define love “It’s a sensation of affection for another, which blinds our call for for material earthly things. A feeling that makes us put out of our mind all other aspects of life that we consider important “

            We are not all born moneyed. But somewhere in the middle of life we start to realize the need for money. Yes, we all need money. So I raise the question. Can money buy love? Or can love flourish where there money lacks?  Let us create a situation. We will start with something we are all familiar with. Movies. Think of the most romantic movie you have watched. Where does the guy take her on their first date? To a restaurant? That is pretty obvious and expected. Think of something simple. Like a day at the park, or as simple and African as to that spot by the river or lake if you like, where they both had their feet in the water. Romantic, right?

            My point is, true love rarely knows posh or expensive. Memories of true love are made on simple but memorable moments. She is more likely to remember that time when she came at your place and you were supposed to watch a movie but there was a power blackout and you had to spend the whole day talking and laughing instead, the way you never ran out of stories. And when the stories were no longer sufficient to convey your love you found something more involving and exciting to do… She doesn’t want her first kiss at that lavish restaurant.  She would rather you take her by surprise as you take a walk in the park or back at your place when she rarely expects it. I believe what makes a memory special is not how much it cost to make it but the simplicity in which it is made and the state of heart.

            To me love is best felt and shared by those who have less to give for I believe there is a greater love in that who, makes a sacrifice in sharing that which he or she has little. What sacrifice is it to give away that which you have in abundance or excess? For the sake of this article;

            Love is sacrificing your lunch money to buy her a present for her birthday, standing in a matatu so you can manage to pay for to pay for her transport. Taking a beating from street bullies coz they think you are too much of a looser to have her. And feeling proud and a man when you can’t sleep at night of pain claiming you protected her. Taking her to a Mutura base and feeling proud to take out that fifty shillings note to buy her a piece. And each day as you walk her home and watch other guys in your hood look at you with envy, wishing they were you. You feel proud of the simplicity of your love.

            So if you have been worrying yourself that you are not sorted enough in terms of cash to get that girl you’ve been eying. Think again and relax maybe your pockets are not the only way to get to her. Furthermore if she is worth your love, she won’t want to seem like a gold digger or prostitute. Money doesn’t always compliment love. There is much more to love if you look deep enough, such qualities as simplicity.

Where Does The Love GO?

                When we first fall in love its always paradise on earth. We can all be of the same mind to having late night conversations that make us wake up the next dawn with a bright beam on our faces and a hangover like yesterday was prom night (for those who can relate). We use up countless hours talking about nothing at all but still feel like we just had the most excellent conversation of our lives. We take walks together not having a particular idea of where we are heading.  We do all this things not because we have nothing better to do, but because it makes us feel good about ourselves and the world just seems to stop and at the same time move so fast when we are with that special someone.

                Love makes us fools, in a foolishly good way though. It makes army generals weak, gives men a cheap excuse to shed tears. It shows us a different side of us. It turns our bodies inside out exposing our better inner-self. That is why I accept as true everyone has a match. Because every person has a good side in them, it just takes the right person to see it.

                But, if there is something I have learnt about love stories, is that every love tale has a distressing story sandwiched between. And in worse cases a bad or not so happy end. My little bible lessons since I attended Sunday school until now has taught me that God created man and woman. He brought them together and instilled this feeling of profoundly tender, affection for one another. Then, if this is the case, a dream for a world full of love. Why make it so hard for people who’re supposedly meant to be together to get along. Or. Make it so hard for people to find that perfect match. But that is besides my reason for concern, question, and uncertainty call it whatever.

                My story begins on a Sunday afternoon. Am walking home from church. In front of me first is a woman, she is carrying a bag. The kind that suggests one just recently became a mother. But, there is one problem though. I can’t seem to spot the child. But it doesn’t take long when every thing comes to me. A few paces in front of her walks a man. A youngster in his arms. It doesn’t take a genius to tell the two are a duo. But why walk a distance away from each other? In public.

                How on earth   are the supposed to communicate? They are in public, what happens when no one is watching? What happens to safeguarding public outlook?  Why change PDA to PDF (public display of frustration). Isn’t the child enough reason for them to at least pretend to get along? Unfortunately I had to ask and answer myself all this questions. I consider this case to be just a temperate example, of how things are between majority of dating and even married couples. What goes wrong?

                All love stories have a happy beginning. Right? Then what goes haywire, what changes? What happens to the promises we make. What do we see differently from what we saw in the beginning? Where does the love change to hate. Where does that feeling of affection turn into disgust? And most importantly where does the love go?

Let us renew our vows

    I know we have dated for a while now. I am happy for each and every moment. It has been special. I know we've fought along the way. I am sorry for the times I was wrong. I forgive you for the times you were wrong.
     But, yesterday I fell in love with you all over again. I saw a whole new and different you.  You gave me that  smile  you've never shown me again. I could tell you love me from the way you looked at me. That "I_am_holding_on_to_you_" look.  I felt like I had just met you. If I was never sure that you are the one,  now am more than sure. I loved the way we made love. The way you held your eyes right in to mine.  The way you made me tremble by gently and passionately kissing my lips. The way you made me want you.  The way you kept calling my name and telling me you loved me all through. I loved the way you expressed your love, and the way you lay on my chest and let your hair run down my body after we had exhausted our bodies with passion . It give me a feeling that that was how I wanted to spend the rest of my nights. Right there next to you. I loved the way we made love,  like it was our first and last time. That is how I want it to always be.
    So am pleading to you my darling,  before this feeling subsides, before we urgue again,  before we feel our minds with all soughts of doubts, when we are still at the peak of our love story.  Let us RENEW OUR VOWS. Let's make those promises all over again.

Did you know??

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”  ―Elizabeth Gilbert

“No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater…The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key. It’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.” ―Sarah Dessen

“Perhaps the reason wet are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, we demand something (love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand-free and asking for nothing but his company.” ―Milan Kundera

Get love or die trying

Get rich or die trying....

These are not my words but by the words of a famous rapper 50 cent. How many of you are ready to die for love?....Count me out. Its unrealistic to think of such unless forced my circumstances. This is not what I directly mean.
        I am comparing love to richness. In so many ways is love similar to richness in the same many ways the two are different.
        I cannot call myself rich, neither can I call me poor since I lack much money. This is the case with love. If you dont have it, it doesn't necessarily mean your  heart is poor and if you do have it it doesn't make you the richest guy in the world. Similarly, the rich are the most restless and the most people who lack peace,  ask someone in a relationship and he/she if sincere enough will tell you its not always a walk in the park.
         Many are the times the rich when in company of friends will pretend to be the happiest of them all when they are more miserable than a church mouse. The same will happen to happiest of couples when they are having problems.
           I aint an Anti-love kind of guy. No.  But truth be said, finding love is not always finding happiness, so is finding money. Both of the two depends on how you take them. But I also acknowledge that reaching there is where most of us find difficult.
         Most of us are not born millionaires, we have to work our way up. And its not always a success. Most of us barely learn to walk leave alone learn to fly if you know what I mean.  We give up very early or life gives up on us.  Most will say the most difficult thing to find in this world and the most important thing is money. Others will find love both equally hard to find and equally important.
      Most people understand that money is important and hard to find but expect love to come  around easily. FYI... "Good things don't come around easily".  They give up even before they start to learn to love. Just like in business, afraid of taking risks, in relationships they are afraid of hurting.
         If we are ready to loose everything, kill and even die for money... Why not love? And am not asking you to be murderers but think about it. WHY NOT LOVE??

Pull Down That Miniskirt

         If I was this powerful ganglord that you wanted to get rid of, send a beautiful woman in a very short skirt, let her be blessed from top to bottom. In short, give me something I can look at.  I assure you I will be so mesmerized I would probably not hear even the loudest of bullets go through my heart. I would die smiling.
        That is besides my point. I have had this thing for skirts since as long as I can remember my sexual side being alive. So as I walk on the streets and notice a guy starring at a lady's behind in a short skirt, that he doesn't notice a pole in front of him. I don't blame him. We are now heading and living in a miniskirt Generation. Every man has a thing for skirts. If you don't, ask yourself how many times you go out, also remember to knock your right hand man down there and tell him to wake up.
       "My dress my choice" I think that is where everything went wrong. Whoever said leave something little to the imagination wasn't nuts. I know we men want something to remind us that when God created us He gave us some extra package down there. I call it "man reaction". But at least give our brains some work, lets us at least try n undress you with our minds, we like to work hard and don't always like it easy for gods sakes,  but before we are even half way there, let us wake up to the pain of hitting a pole, a wall, tripping and falling, or something that leaves our dirty minds embarrassed.
             I know you are probably asking how all these is related to love.  So here is the catch for you. Am walking on the streets of Nairobi. And I notice this couple  walking towards me and suddenly they stop to a sermon by a friend I assume.  You can tell the guy to the couple is very confident of himself. Of course he has all the reasons to think he ought to be confident. He has the most beautiful woman besides him. At least that is what he thinks. I don't blame him. I think my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman av ever met. As he introduces her to his friend I can't help it but slow down and stare at her well formed behind. I give credit where it's due.  She surely does have some nice.... But maybe that skirt is too short. It kinda spoilt everything. Gave her a whole different representation.
          I don't mean to be rude but if I met her at a later hour of the day if you know what I mean, I would have mistaken her for a 'lady of the night'.
         I wouldn't have been surprised if the guy had coaxed her into wearing the damn thing.
         " Switheart I want you to wear that short skirt I bought you"
         "But darling I thought I told you that the skirt is too short"
          "What do you mean its too short.... That is fashion.... Dont u want me to show them I also have a beautiful woman..."
          "But darling...."
          " If you want to go with me you will wear that skirt...."
             That is how I imagined the conversation to be. It happens.  But that shouldn't be the case. Men, you call her your woman, exactly, she is yours.  I don't see why you have to make her show off to other people. What you have is yours and yours to see... In the bedroom.  There is no excuse of that you want to belong. Dont dress her like a prostitute to impress your friends. They wont respect her. Let there be a difference between what you see and what they see. If you show them what is supposed to be private to your eyes.  What difference does it make between them and you?.
        When a man notices a lady dressed allittle over provokertively,  yes he will be mesmerized his eyes out. He will be licking his lips dry. After all this is bound to happen by nature.  But deep down, after his lustful desires have elapsed he will think to himself and deep down he still knows he will never take such a Woman to his mother. She is good to have fun but never good enough to settle down.
          Yes,  we love those short skirts,  personally, I am in love,  addicted, affiliated, obsessed, call it whatever. But ladies next time before you wear that miniskirt. Look yourself in the mirror with the eyes of a hundred men.