PERPETUAL WAR ZONE

Someone told me Love equals Hate. That you must be aware of hate so as to understand love. We’ve all watched movies where words of “I hate you”, “I hate you too” have been followed by kissing, making out and you know what. Some will even say that it’s possible to love someone so much that you end up hating them. So I ask a question. Does the existence of love completely prohibit that of hate or can the two mutually exist? If your answer is no, then allow me to challenge you. You will agree with me if I say that the most common characteristic of a couple is their inability to agree on the most nonsensical things. There are also the non-ending fights. I remember after dating for less than a year and I was already running to my best friend every now and then because we were not in terms with my “Bae”. She would tell me. “You guys are meant to be, look, you are already fighting like a married couple” It used to irritate me at the time because I felt like she ought to have sided with me and told me of how bad my bae was. But years later we were still fighting sometimes of things I couldn’t even share with my best friend because they didn’t just make sense. So I got used to the situation and accepted the fact that we will always be in this “perpetual warzone” it didn’t mean we didn’t love each other enough coz we always got through our problems. Somehow I would encourage myself that we were being prepared for something greater in future. But still it irritated me how much we could fight over anything. Sorry to say but it seemed to be her fault, I thought of her as less understanding. Of course it was her fault, how could I have accused myself. Would you? And I think that’s where the problem begins. When one starts to think he or she is more sensible, more understanding and perfect or mature than their partner. When one is unwilling to accept that there is a possibility they could be wrong and the partner right. And that’s where the war begins, a quest to prove who is mightier. A fight to the death and the punishment in this case not death but an apology. And sure it feels like death to have to swallow your pride and say sorry. So most would rather share the punishment and that’s why when the fighting begins it will always be… “You did this…” “And you did this…” “I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t…” And the blame game will go one until one of you has had enough and for the sake of the both of you or for any other reason gives in. For instance, its already nighttime and he knows he won’t be getting it, he weighs his choices and an apology is a small price to pay. He will apologize even if he isn’t guilty but keep record for future reference if you know what I mean. So the next time you fight you won’t be fighting because of whatever stupid thing you can’t agree on but also for that time he took the fall just because it was convenient for him. So I started to ponder on why these fights never seem to come to an end. So I thought, have you ever found yourself at crossroad trying to decide what to do about a certain matter? Or did something and then blamed yourself for it? Obviously if you belong to the class of mammals that I do the answer is yes. That means that life is complicated by yourself without even adding another person to the picture. Now imagine adding someone else to that picture your “better half” that’s what you call them. Now every decision you make has to involve two people and any mistake affects two people. If you are about to make a decision they have to be involved and sorry to say if by any chance you mess up, you don’t only blame yourself this time but someone else will take pleasure in blaming you too. It’s like your life is no longer your own, your body not your own, your thoughts are not your own and the most important thing in your life, your heart, belongs to someone else. Living your life becomes a job and your partner becomes your boss, scrutinizing everything you do. Coz they own you. Can you imagine working for your boss for years without pressure or arguments? It’s impossible. Most of us get fired under one year. Some of us resign willingly coz they can’t take the pressure. There is no perfect job without challenges, that’s why we get paid. There are no perfect relationships without fights and quarrels that’s why…. I can’t tell what you get out of yours but there must be something that’s why despite the problems and fights you still stick.

LOVE AND SPONSORSHIP

LOVE AND SPONSERSHIP “Sponsor” If the oxford dictionary was to be rewritten in Kenya right now I think they would probably rewrite the alphabet and have “S” as the first letter and sponsor being the first word. The only problem I think would be to get the one and the most appropriate meaning for it. This new trend is everywhere, the word sponsor has spread like wild fire, it has become a virus spread by word of mouth. Most would say it has become viral. Even my mum talks of it, I even suspect my grandmother has heard of it. Lately I took a colleague for lunch and surprisingly the next day I had become her sponsor. So this is what I have gathered about sponsors. First and most importantly He or She has to have a heavy bank account. And by He or She I mean exactly that, I hear that this thing doesn’t discriminate on gender. Somehow I think that these so called sponsors are the “old-fashioned” sugar daddies and sugar mummies. What they’ve done is added a fancy name to it. Think of it like how prostitutes are called “sex-workers” or gold diggers have been called “Escorts”. Secondly, these so called sponsors majority of times tend to be older. Most will tell you this somehow makes the whole thing convenient. Ask me how. So this is how it works. If he or she is older the probability that he or she is married is next to one or the chances are 9 out of 10. And how is this a good thing? You might ask. This means their whole life don’t revolve around you. Trust me, this is a good thing. This means you not the person he will stress if he didn’t get that promotion or his project didn’t go through, generally that’s a wife’s job. She will do all the dirty work for you. Yours is to enjoy. And don’t get me wrong I don’t evangelize on the whole sponsorship thing. A friend was telling me why the fairly old make good sponsors. “They are not into the whole Fifty Shades of Grey kind of thing”. For some the whole idea of being with someone younger on itself is enough to quench their sexual fantasies. “For most you go missionary and 5 minutes into it he is done” she continued. “And then you have enough money to last you a month but he claims it’s just for a few days, it’s like getting a month’s salary for a one-day job” she added. So here is my worry. Sponsorship unlike love is more of an agreement. Think of it as a business, service for money. And even when we call it a business, it barely seems fair, one party tends to benefit more. I believe sex is not a commodity to be traded like bread, I don’t even understand how the price is set. How much is enough? What do u do if what you get isn’t enough. Do you bargain basing on the level of satisfaction? The length of the engagement? The looks and feel of your body? I honestly don’t know and can’t start to imagine. Sex is a gift of love, to be shared by those with a deeper connection, more than lust and passion. My fear is that this new trend is replacing love. Most feel love is too complicated, to many, love is associated with heartaches, endless arguments, stress, infidelity and betrayal not to mention others. And on the other hand sponsorship has no commitments, no infidelity, no stress and lots and lots of money. The irony is this. Not to pick on you ladies but, how do you still call yourself independent if you have a sponsor, when you obviously still depend on another for money. I believe there is still a lot to gather from love and a genuine and decent relationship. There is more to life than just good living and a life of partying. And it actually feels good to have something you can call yours. Open your eyes, that money isn’t yours and that sponsor is definitely not yours either.

Should I Say Hae

Yesterday I saw you a new, didn’t think it was someone I knew, such beautiful faces are few. You looked as good as new. You looked like some famous girl I didn’t know. But how comes no boys were fighting if only to say Hae no paparazzi were following you with cameras. Somebody give me a camera I’ve got myself a new job, wouldn’t mind following you around for the rest of my life.
But no, it seems I wasn’t seeing right, maybe my eyes were not getting enough light. So, I brushed them with my hands, then I noticed they were not clean enough to say hae, I rubbed them against my clothes. Then I realized, my shirt was untucked, as fast as I could, I tucked it in only to realize my zip was undone. I was perplexed, hypnotized and embarrassed all at the same time. But I had come too far to give up now, too embarrassed to walk away now, too weird to go without hello.

So with a few more steps to go, I let go and set myself free, from the fear of being rejected, maybe I was stepping into a land mine, headed for a suicide mission, but you looked worth dying for. Whuuu! I breathed, what can probably go wrong? I encouraged myself.

Approaching a beautiful girl had never been easier, I had that weird feeling that marrying couples allegedly have just before their spouses say I do. Although they know she or he will probably say YES they can’t help but wonder. What if he says no, what if she changes her mind, I will be embarrassed in front of all these people…what will I do?

I carefully calculated my steps, one, two, three, four…. five steps I estimated. So carefully like a soldier I took my first, second, third and fourth steps….

Then I walked away.

How could I probably have said hae, when she looked so beautiful, how could I introduce myself n keep my dignity and my manly ego alive…I did what every sound minded man would have done, I walked away.
You never say hae to your Ex when they look much better than you.   

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR EX DOESN'T HAUNT YOU

So, if asked. What do u miss about your EX? Hmmm! Let me see… Her beauty, her charm, her ability to make me smile, and not forgetting she was pretty amazing in…. Wait a minute, who am I kidding I remember NOTHING! That is how it’s supposed to be. Ever thought of the word EX. Let us give it a though, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word EX. And you better not be thinking of “EXE” The chapatti cooking flour, if you do then you are lost you will keep going back. EX should mean cross, not the cross of Jesus Christ, no blasphemy intended, but cross as in the cross put on those Huruma buildings that were to be brought down, demolished, unfit for human habitation. They were a death sentence, people had to vacate, they actually did. And they were not to look back. Am sure they will thank God afterwards for having their eyes opened, they are probably in better houses by now. Ok I think that’s enough, hopefully you’ve gotten the picture. So how do you make sure that your EX is exactly that, a matter of the past. A deleted partition in your long term memory, never to be recovered. Its starts right before you make that decision to walk away. Make sure that decision isn’t abrupt and driven by emotions of anger or bad advice. Such decisions have a tendency of being foolish and bring regrets in future. So before you choose to chase them out of your life or walk away depending on which you prefer. Make sure you won’t end up needing them in the future. Don’t be afraid to swallow your pride willingly and with that any pain caused. It might save you from embarrassment and forcefully having to do so in future, driven by feelings you thought you were over and done with. So before you call it quit make sure you fully convince your heart and mind there is nothing else you could have done. And don’t just sit and convince yourself, go ahead and try to do something other than walk out. Also be sure to ask for advice from close friends who have your interest and well-being at heart. Make sure they are friends who are themselves dating. Don’t choose football spectators and fans who know how to play the ball better than the players and coaches. If you know what I mean. After you have finally made your decision that you need to put an “X” before the girlfriend or boyfriend it is very important to get rid of all attachments you had with your newly elected EX. If there was this favorite food joint the both of you used to go and there are chances that you might bump into each other, then don’t go. How are you supposed to forget each other if you keep seeing one another? If you still hold on to that gift she or he gave you, or have that chain you exchanged as you rehearsed the vows you had promised to say before the alter in future, around your neck. Then that’s a hanging rope round your neck. Get rid of it. Generally, the point is to get rid of any kind of thing whether breathing or not that reminds you of him or her. The other important thing is to accept and convince yourself that it’s not going to be easy. You never forget your Ex in a week or month some even take years. If you break up today and a month later you don’t even remember their name, then that wasn’t a relationship. Looks more of a business deal gone wrong. So don’t hate yourself if you still see her face in the street as you walk, see him in your dreams when you sleep or fell her sent under the sheets at night it will take some time. It rarely means you made a mistake, nor does it mean you’ve left you MR. Right. But eventually you will get rid of them, just like I did.

I want a girl to love me like MOM

There is no love like a mother’s love. I have confidence in that we are all conversant with this one. But on a first thought, you would think your mother is the most irritating woman you will ever meet.

I remember someone telling me that if you think hard enough and be ‘optimistic’ enough, if at all that’s the right word for it,  you will notice that the woman you end up marrying will somewhat be comparable in personality to your mother. I didn’t take this seriously.

“You’ve to be kidding me,” I thought. At 18 I was thinking of how fast I could get liberated off my mother, and yet someone was trying to get this crazy impression that I might be stuck with someone who behaves exactly like my mother for the rest of my life?

“God forbid” I was confident I wouldn’t be taking my words back any time soon.

It’s surprising how much very much can change in so little time. Now here I am, humbled like a dog in front of his master. As I say “I want a girl to love me like my mother”

And don’t get me wrong, am not crazy, neither did I lack something to write about,  nor did at gun point my mum force me to write and post this article. May be I should post a disclaimer it’s out of free will and self-meditation that am posting this post …bla bla bla ….

Come to think of it, every family minded guy has his “wife material” qualities. Now, if u take these qualities and match them against those of your mum most of them will match.

Let me try and be a psychic... you want a woman who can cook, after all ‘the way to man’s heart is through his stomach’, your mom will probably tell you.  You want her to understand you no matter what, she is supposed to defend you even when she knows you are on the wrong. Be worried for you even when you not worried for yourself. Forgive you even when you are more than sure yourself that you don’t deserve to be forgiven. She should treat you like a baby. She should do your dirty laundry, no problem. Be there when you are from work to welcome you. Make you bed…. Am starting to sound like am a baby and am describing my own mother, and those are just but the basic staff.

If we fight hard enough past our manly foolish ego, we will agree that our mums are the picture-perfect examples of how our wives ought to be. If you asked a philosopher as to why this is,  most will be heard to go down the road of “we all grow up having our mothers close to us and we have them do the most basic things in life for us, we grow up with them as a perfect example of how women should be….”

When talking about this issue a lot can be brought up for discussion. Some will agree with me; some won’t see the point. We live a liberal world, but am telling you unless your mum is the kind of bad mums we see in NIGERIAN MOVIES if she doesn’t like a girl, it means they aren’t compatible and you have yourself a problem. But as I said I stand corrected.