Someone told me Love equals Hate. That you must be aware of hate so as to understand love. We’ve all watched movies where words of “I hate you”, “I hate you too” have been followed by kissing, making out and you know what. Some will even say that it’s possible to love someone so much that you end up hating them. So I ask a question. Does the existence of love completely prohibit that of hate or can the two mutually exist? If your answer is no, then allow me to challenge you.
You will agree with me if I say that the most common characteristic of a couple is their inability to agree on the most nonsensical things. There are also the non-ending fights. I remember after dating for less than a year and I was already running to my best friend every now and then because we were not in terms with my “Bae”. She would tell me.
“You guys are meant to be, look, you are already fighting like a married couple”
It used to irritate me at the time because I felt like she ought to have sided with me and told me of how bad my bae was. But years later we were still fighting sometimes of things I couldn’t even share with my best friend because they didn’t just make sense. So I got used to the situation and accepted the fact that we will always be in this “perpetual warzone” it didn’t mean we didn’t love each other enough coz we always got through our problems. Somehow I would encourage myself that we were being prepared for something greater in future.
But still it irritated me how much we could fight over anything. Sorry to say but it seemed to be her fault, I thought of her as less understanding. Of course it was her fault, how could I have accused myself. Would you? And I think that’s where the problem begins. When one starts to think he or she is more sensible, more understanding and perfect or mature than their partner. When one is unwilling to accept that there is a possibility they could be wrong and the partner right.
And that’s where the war begins, a quest to prove who is mightier. A fight to the death and the punishment in this case not death but an apology. And sure it feels like death to have to swallow your pride and say sorry. So most would rather share the punishment and that’s why when the fighting begins it will always be…
“You did this…”
“And you did this…”
“I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t…”
And the blame game will go one until one of you has had enough and for the sake of the both of you or for any other reason gives in. For instance, its already nighttime and he knows he won’t be getting it, he weighs his choices and an apology is a small price to pay. He will apologize even if he isn’t guilty but keep record for future reference if you know what I mean. So the next time you fight you won’t be fighting because of whatever stupid thing you can’t agree on but also for that time he took the fall just because it was convenient for him.
So I started to ponder on why these fights never seem to come to an end. So I thought, have you ever found yourself at crossroad trying to decide what to do about a certain matter? Or did something and then blamed yourself for it? Obviously if you belong to the class of mammals that I do the answer is yes. That means that life is complicated by yourself without even adding another person to the picture. Now imagine adding someone else to that picture your “better half” that’s what you call them. Now every decision you make has to involve two people and any mistake affects two people. If you are about to make a decision they have to be involved and sorry to say if by any chance you mess up, you don’t only blame yourself this time but someone else will take pleasure in blaming you too. It’s like your life is no longer your own, your body not your own, your thoughts are not your own and the most important thing in your life, your heart, belongs to someone else.
Living your life becomes a job and your partner becomes your boss, scrutinizing everything you do. Coz they own you. Can you imagine working for your boss for years without pressure or arguments? It’s impossible. Most of us get fired under one year. Some of us resign willingly coz they can’t take the pressure. There is no perfect job without challenges, that’s why we get paid. There are no perfect relationships without fights and quarrels that’s why…. I can’t tell what you get out of yours but there must be something that’s why despite the problems and fights you still stick.
