LOVE AND SPONSORSHIP

LOVE AND SPONSERSHIP “Sponsor” If the oxford dictionary was to be rewritten in Kenya right now I think they would probably rewrite the alphabet and have “S” as the first letter and sponsor being the first word. The only problem I think would be to get the one and the most appropriate meaning for it. This new trend is everywhere, the word sponsor has spread like wild fire, it has become a virus spread by word of mouth. Most would say it has become viral. Even my mum talks of it, I even suspect my grandmother has heard of it. Lately I took a colleague for lunch and surprisingly the next day I had become her sponsor. So this is what I have gathered about sponsors. First and most importantly He or She has to have a heavy bank account. And by He or She I mean exactly that, I hear that this thing doesn’t discriminate on gender. Somehow I think that these so called sponsors are the “old-fashioned” sugar daddies and sugar mummies. What they’ve done is added a fancy name to it. Think of it like how prostitutes are called “sex-workers” or gold diggers have been called “Escorts”. Secondly, these so called sponsors majority of times tend to be older. Most will tell you this somehow makes the whole thing convenient. Ask me how. So this is how it works. If he or she is older the probability that he or she is married is next to one or the chances are 9 out of 10. And how is this a good thing? You might ask. This means their whole life don’t revolve around you. Trust me, this is a good thing. This means you not the person he will stress if he didn’t get that promotion or his project didn’t go through, generally that’s a wife’s job. She will do all the dirty work for you. Yours is to enjoy. And don’t get me wrong I don’t evangelize on the whole sponsorship thing. A friend was telling me why the fairly old make good sponsors. “They are not into the whole Fifty Shades of Grey kind of thing”. For some the whole idea of being with someone younger on itself is enough to quench their sexual fantasies. “For most you go missionary and 5 minutes into it he is done” she continued. “And then you have enough money to last you a month but he claims it’s just for a few days, it’s like getting a month’s salary for a one-day job” she added. So here is my worry. Sponsorship unlike love is more of an agreement. Think of it as a business, service for money. And even when we call it a business, it barely seems fair, one party tends to benefit more. I believe sex is not a commodity to be traded like bread, I don’t even understand how the price is set. How much is enough? What do u do if what you get isn’t enough. Do you bargain basing on the level of satisfaction? The length of the engagement? The looks and feel of your body? I honestly don’t know and can’t start to imagine. Sex is a gift of love, to be shared by those with a deeper connection, more than lust and passion. My fear is that this new trend is replacing love. Most feel love is too complicated, to many, love is associated with heartaches, endless arguments, stress, infidelity and betrayal not to mention others. And on the other hand sponsorship has no commitments, no infidelity, no stress and lots and lots of money. The irony is this. Not to pick on you ladies but, how do you still call yourself independent if you have a sponsor, when you obviously still depend on another for money. I believe there is still a lot to gather from love and a genuine and decent relationship. There is more to life than just good living and a life of partying. And it actually feels good to have something you can call yours. Open your eyes, that money isn’t yours and that sponsor is definitely not yours either.

Should I Say Hae

Yesterday I saw you a new, didn’t think it was someone I knew, such beautiful faces are few. You looked as good as new. You looked like some famous girl I didn’t know. But how comes no boys were fighting if only to say Hae no paparazzi were following you with cameras. Somebody give me a camera I’ve got myself a new job, wouldn’t mind following you around for the rest of my life.
But no, it seems I wasn’t seeing right, maybe my eyes were not getting enough light. So, I brushed them with my hands, then I noticed they were not clean enough to say hae, I rubbed them against my clothes. Then I realized, my shirt was untucked, as fast as I could, I tucked it in only to realize my zip was undone. I was perplexed, hypnotized and embarrassed all at the same time. But I had come too far to give up now, too embarrassed to walk away now, too weird to go without hello.

So with a few more steps to go, I let go and set myself free, from the fear of being rejected, maybe I was stepping into a land mine, headed for a suicide mission, but you looked worth dying for. Whuuu! I breathed, what can probably go wrong? I encouraged myself.

Approaching a beautiful girl had never been easier, I had that weird feeling that marrying couples allegedly have just before their spouses say I do. Although they know she or he will probably say YES they can’t help but wonder. What if he says no, what if she changes her mind, I will be embarrassed in front of all these people…what will I do?

I carefully calculated my steps, one, two, three, four…. five steps I estimated. So carefully like a soldier I took my first, second, third and fourth steps….

Then I walked away.

How could I probably have said hae, when she looked so beautiful, how could I introduce myself n keep my dignity and my manly ego alive…I did what every sound minded man would have done, I walked away.
You never say hae to your Ex when they look much better than you.   

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR EX DOESN'T HAUNT YOU

So, if asked. What do u miss about your EX? Hmmm! Let me see… Her beauty, her charm, her ability to make me smile, and not forgetting she was pretty amazing in…. Wait a minute, who am I kidding I remember NOTHING! That is how it’s supposed to be. Ever thought of the word EX. Let us give it a though, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word EX. And you better not be thinking of “EXE” The chapatti cooking flour, if you do then you are lost you will keep going back. EX should mean cross, not the cross of Jesus Christ, no blasphemy intended, but cross as in the cross put on those Huruma buildings that were to be brought down, demolished, unfit for human habitation. They were a death sentence, people had to vacate, they actually did. And they were not to look back. Am sure they will thank God afterwards for having their eyes opened, they are probably in better houses by now. Ok I think that’s enough, hopefully you’ve gotten the picture. So how do you make sure that your EX is exactly that, a matter of the past. A deleted partition in your long term memory, never to be recovered. Its starts right before you make that decision to walk away. Make sure that decision isn’t abrupt and driven by emotions of anger or bad advice. Such decisions have a tendency of being foolish and bring regrets in future. So before you choose to chase them out of your life or walk away depending on which you prefer. Make sure you won’t end up needing them in the future. Don’t be afraid to swallow your pride willingly and with that any pain caused. It might save you from embarrassment and forcefully having to do so in future, driven by feelings you thought you were over and done with. So before you call it quit make sure you fully convince your heart and mind there is nothing else you could have done. And don’t just sit and convince yourself, go ahead and try to do something other than walk out. Also be sure to ask for advice from close friends who have your interest and well-being at heart. Make sure they are friends who are themselves dating. Don’t choose football spectators and fans who know how to play the ball better than the players and coaches. If you know what I mean. After you have finally made your decision that you need to put an “X” before the girlfriend or boyfriend it is very important to get rid of all attachments you had with your newly elected EX. If there was this favorite food joint the both of you used to go and there are chances that you might bump into each other, then don’t go. How are you supposed to forget each other if you keep seeing one another? If you still hold on to that gift she or he gave you, or have that chain you exchanged as you rehearsed the vows you had promised to say before the alter in future, around your neck. Then that’s a hanging rope round your neck. Get rid of it. Generally, the point is to get rid of any kind of thing whether breathing or not that reminds you of him or her. The other important thing is to accept and convince yourself that it’s not going to be easy. You never forget your Ex in a week or month some even take years. If you break up today and a month later you don’t even remember their name, then that wasn’t a relationship. Looks more of a business deal gone wrong. So don’t hate yourself if you still see her face in the street as you walk, see him in your dreams when you sleep or fell her sent under the sheets at night it will take some time. It rarely means you made a mistake, nor does it mean you’ve left you MR. Right. But eventually you will get rid of them, just like I did.

I want a girl to love me like MOM

There is no love like a mother’s love. I have confidence in that we are all conversant with this one. But on a first thought, you would think your mother is the most irritating woman you will ever meet.

I remember someone telling me that if you think hard enough and be ‘optimistic’ enough, if at all that’s the right word for it,  you will notice that the woman you end up marrying will somewhat be comparable in personality to your mother. I didn’t take this seriously.

“You’ve to be kidding me,” I thought. At 18 I was thinking of how fast I could get liberated off my mother, and yet someone was trying to get this crazy impression that I might be stuck with someone who behaves exactly like my mother for the rest of my life?

“God forbid” I was confident I wouldn’t be taking my words back any time soon.

It’s surprising how much very much can change in so little time. Now here I am, humbled like a dog in front of his master. As I say “I want a girl to love me like my mother”

And don’t get me wrong, am not crazy, neither did I lack something to write about,  nor did at gun point my mum force me to write and post this article. May be I should post a disclaimer it’s out of free will and self-meditation that am posting this post …bla bla bla ….

Come to think of it, every family minded guy has his “wife material” qualities. Now, if u take these qualities and match them against those of your mum most of them will match.

Let me try and be a psychic... you want a woman who can cook, after all ‘the way to man’s heart is through his stomach’, your mom will probably tell you.  You want her to understand you no matter what, she is supposed to defend you even when she knows you are on the wrong. Be worried for you even when you not worried for yourself. Forgive you even when you are more than sure yourself that you don’t deserve to be forgiven. She should treat you like a baby. She should do your dirty laundry, no problem. Be there when you are from work to welcome you. Make you bed…. Am starting to sound like am a baby and am describing my own mother, and those are just but the basic staff.

If we fight hard enough past our manly foolish ego, we will agree that our mums are the picture-perfect examples of how our wives ought to be. If you asked a philosopher as to why this is,  most will be heard to go down the road of “we all grow up having our mothers close to us and we have them do the most basic things in life for us, we grow up with them as a perfect example of how women should be….”

When talking about this issue a lot can be brought up for discussion. Some will agree with me; some won’t see the point. We live a liberal world, but am telling you unless your mum is the kind of bad mums we see in NIGERIAN MOVIES if she doesn’t like a girl, it means they aren’t compatible and you have yourself a problem. But as I said I stand corrected.

Ghetto Love

 

            Av always been honest in saying I have never if truth be told been sure when I met my first love or if I have met her or if I have when I did. What I have learned in my not many years of living is that. Love is not constantly what you think it to be. It’s very easy to confuse love, infatuation, obsession, passion and lust. By hook or by crook if not fully they show in all most similar ways. But am not here as a love critic. Am here to create a perception or an idea of what love is supposed to be. So for moment based on my heading I would like to define love “It’s a sensation of affection for another, which blinds our call for for material earthly things. A feeling that makes us put out of our mind all other aspects of life that we consider important “

            We are not all born moneyed. But somewhere in the middle of life we start to realize the need for money. Yes, we all need money. So I raise the question. Can money buy love? Or can love flourish where there money lacks?  Let us create a situation. We will start with something we are all familiar with. Movies. Think of the most romantic movie you have watched. Where does the guy take her on their first date? To a restaurant? That is pretty obvious and expected. Think of something simple. Like a day at the park, or as simple and African as to that spot by the river or lake if you like, where they both had their feet in the water. Romantic, right?

            My point is, true love rarely knows posh or expensive. Memories of true love are made on simple but memorable moments. She is more likely to remember that time when she came at your place and you were supposed to watch a movie but there was a power blackout and you had to spend the whole day talking and laughing instead, the way you never ran out of stories. And when the stories were no longer sufficient to convey your love you found something more involving and exciting to do… She doesn’t want her first kiss at that lavish restaurant.  She would rather you take her by surprise as you take a walk in the park or back at your place when she rarely expects it. I believe what makes a memory special is not how much it cost to make it but the simplicity in which it is made and the state of heart.

            To me love is best felt and shared by those who have less to give for I believe there is a greater love in that who, makes a sacrifice in sharing that which he or she has little. What sacrifice is it to give away that which you have in abundance or excess? For the sake of this article;

            Love is sacrificing your lunch money to buy her a present for her birthday, standing in a matatu so you can manage to pay for to pay for her transport. Taking a beating from street bullies coz they think you are too much of a looser to have her. And feeling proud and a man when you can’t sleep at night of pain claiming you protected her. Taking her to a Mutura base and feeling proud to take out that fifty shillings note to buy her a piece. And each day as you walk her home and watch other guys in your hood look at you with envy, wishing they were you. You feel proud of the simplicity of your love.

            So if you have been worrying yourself that you are not sorted enough in terms of cash to get that girl you’ve been eying. Think again and relax maybe your pockets are not the only way to get to her. Furthermore if she is worth your love, she won’t want to seem like a gold digger or prostitute. Money doesn’t always compliment love. There is much more to love if you look deep enough, such qualities as simplicity.

Where Does The Love GO?

                When we first fall in love its always paradise on earth. We can all be of the same mind to having late night conversations that make us wake up the next dawn with a bright beam on our faces and a hangover like yesterday was prom night (for those who can relate). We use up countless hours talking about nothing at all but still feel like we just had the most excellent conversation of our lives. We take walks together not having a particular idea of where we are heading.  We do all this things not because we have nothing better to do, but because it makes us feel good about ourselves and the world just seems to stop and at the same time move so fast when we are with that special someone.

                Love makes us fools, in a foolishly good way though. It makes army generals weak, gives men a cheap excuse to shed tears. It shows us a different side of us. It turns our bodies inside out exposing our better inner-self. That is why I accept as true everyone has a match. Because every person has a good side in them, it just takes the right person to see it.

                But, if there is something I have learnt about love stories, is that every love tale has a distressing story sandwiched between. And in worse cases a bad or not so happy end. My little bible lessons since I attended Sunday school until now has taught me that God created man and woman. He brought them together and instilled this feeling of profoundly tender, affection for one another. Then, if this is the case, a dream for a world full of love. Why make it so hard for people who’re supposedly meant to be together to get along. Or. Make it so hard for people to find that perfect match. But that is besides my reason for concern, question, and uncertainty call it whatever.

                My story begins on a Sunday afternoon. Am walking home from church. In front of me first is a woman, she is carrying a bag. The kind that suggests one just recently became a mother. But, there is one problem though. I can’t seem to spot the child. But it doesn’t take long when every thing comes to me. A few paces in front of her walks a man. A youngster in his arms. It doesn’t take a genius to tell the two are a duo. But why walk a distance away from each other? In public.

                How on earth   are the supposed to communicate? They are in public, what happens when no one is watching? What happens to safeguarding public outlook?  Why change PDA to PDF (public display of frustration). Isn’t the child enough reason for them to at least pretend to get along? Unfortunately I had to ask and answer myself all this questions. I consider this case to be just a temperate example, of how things are between majority of dating and even married couples. What goes wrong?

                All love stories have a happy beginning. Right? Then what goes haywire, what changes? What happens to the promises we make. What do we see differently from what we saw in the beginning? Where does the love change to hate. Where does that feeling of affection turn into disgust? And most importantly where does the love go?

Let us renew our vows

    I know we have dated for a while now. I am happy for each and every moment. It has been special. I know we've fought along the way. I am sorry for the times I was wrong. I forgive you for the times you were wrong.
     But, yesterday I fell in love with you all over again. I saw a whole new and different you.  You gave me that  smile  you've never shown me again. I could tell you love me from the way you looked at me. That "I_am_holding_on_to_you_" look.  I felt like I had just met you. If I was never sure that you are the one,  now am more than sure. I loved the way we made love. The way you held your eyes right in to mine.  The way you made me tremble by gently and passionately kissing my lips. The way you made me want you.  The way you kept calling my name and telling me you loved me all through. I loved the way you expressed your love, and the way you lay on my chest and let your hair run down my body after we had exhausted our bodies with passion . It give me a feeling that that was how I wanted to spend the rest of my nights. Right there next to you. I loved the way we made love,  like it was our first and last time. That is how I want it to always be.
    So am pleading to you my darling,  before this feeling subsides, before we urgue again,  before we feel our minds with all soughts of doubts, when we are still at the peak of our love story.  Let us RENEW OUR VOWS. Let's make those promises all over again.